Oh, Samoa cookies, why do I love them so much??? And why doesn't my husband like them so I'd have someone to share them with? And WHY do I know so many Girl Scouts that I feel obligated to buy cookies from?!
SO I woke up from a fog today, a fog where I was not tracking, and not realizing it...What?! I didn't even make the concious choice to not track, I just didn't...
Not good, guesstimating is okay for a day, but not for nearly a week. I need to get back into the habit of being mindful and real about what I am eating and why I am eating it. I know that when I feel overwhelmed by others things, I let myself down first. NEVER letting down anyone else. So why is this an option for me? Why do I constantly let myself down and try so hard not to let down others?
My self worth is sadly not where it should be. All I ever do is focus on what could be better about myself, how nothing is quite right. My weight, my beauty, my hair, my temper, being a friend, a wife, a momma to Jones, a coworker, I do not aknowledge that I am good at any of them. All I ever do is focus on my short comings, that I'm too fat, too selfish, or that my nose is too big. Why is it so hard for me to really appreciate myself? Is it because I was raised by the most modest people I have ever met, who drove into me that any form of self appraisal was rude and unattractive, and quite frankly, not true, because, honestly, who the fuck do I think I am????
WOW.
I need to crack this code, and I need to put more effort into this. To know my worth, to be happy and proud as I am. To not constantly focus on what I am NOT.
How did I get from Samoas cookies to this?!
I always say, I LOVE TO LOVE! Well, it's time I turn some of that onto myself. I need some new intentions, that involve ME.
Tomorrow
I will track everything
I will find some new intentions, for just me :)
I will go to Spinning
I will focus on going on a mini vacation this coming weekend.
I will not let stupid ignorant arrogant old men turn my day to shit (yes, that's what happend today)
THANKFULS
For YOU!
Coffee, my life blood
Money, it's SO cool not freak out about how I'm going to keep my house right now!
My bff, who snapped at me the other day, and appolgised for it. I love the honesty we have.
My husband, who stayed on the phone with me tonight, I was driving home, and the moon looked so cool, I called him to tell him to go look at it, he stayed on the phone with me till he found it...I love him so very much.
Gallant, I always love to hear when a woman realizes her worth! Congrats to you & your constant evolution. Go get it, girl! We got your front, sides, and back!
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you are going through (today I felt guilty and selfish for wanting a better job- how fucked up!) and I have this to say- when I feel all those feelings that you described about myself, I think about my friends and how much I love and adore them. How fun and funny and beautiful and smart and just amazing they are. And then I can't help but think that they chose to be friends with me, so that must mean that I am pretty great, too. It doesn't always work, but is should because it's true. Although we've never actually met in person, I think that you are awesome, funny and totally gorgeous. I believe these thoughts you have about yourself are lies that were implanted by aliens because they are jealous. But, seriously, you are great! And we are here to remind you of that whenever you need it! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI have those same frustrating thoughts of "not being or doing enough." It's very defeating. When you get those negative thoughts, call on your other self to talk back to those negative thoughts. Those are both inside you and inside all of us. One needs nurturing and one needs the stage. Sounds crazy but talk back to yourself when you are thinking negative things about you. Tell her that it's not true. It's just not true. You are beautiful, so loving, and have a beautiful and healthy body with junk in the trunk I wish I had. I hope this all made sense. xxoo
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies :) All of you made me laugh, which is the BEST way for me to wake up in the morning!! xoxoxo
ReplyDelete